Journal of Monica

So around 3 months ago my favorite teacher asked me to join English speech competition that held by Tarakanita Yogyakarta and yeah, I decided to join it. I practiced so hard because i want to win this contest. The only reason that makes me want to win this contest is because i never join any-other-competition before and i want to make my parents proud of me.

This is my first contest so i studied so hard to make a speech about compassion.

You know what? It worked. Working so hard with my ass and finally made a great result. I got the 2nd winner place on english Speech competition and able to go for the next round, which will be held on Surabaya. my parents were very proud of me.

One month later i went to Surabaya to continue my last english contest, but this one will be held as a National Competition. I was so happy at the time. I got a lot of friends and they were so nice to me. But unfortunately i cant win this competition because of some misunderstanding. At the time, there were some random category given and we have to give speech about that. Everyone on the competition was already prepare their speech for all categories and practice months before, except me. I didn't prepare it because my teacher only told me to prepare a speech about compassion category, not bunch of speeches. I was so fucked up at the time. Everyone was great except me. I was looking like an incompetent, fool dumb ass people. I didn't deserve to be there. Even when i looked at the judges face, i feel like i want to bury my head there at the time. This was the time that i promise my self that i will NEVER gonna look stupid in front of ANYONE, AGAIN in this world. I don't wanna feel that anymore. It hurts. That's why until now i keep working so hard to be a good, high competence people and i don't wanna be 'i don't know shit' person.

I know i was doing my best but maybe God has another plan for me. I never regret what was happened to me at the time. Im so Grateful and this is only the beginning, not the end.